Advent is the perfect time as a couple to begin creating traditions that will shape your family culture for the rest of your married life. My prayer in writing this is that it serves as an invitation to slow down in order to do just that.

The world around us rushes towards Christmas. I even saw green and red decorations lining the shelves next to Halloween Candy this year (WHAT?!!) By the time the Thanksgiving leftovers are packed away, we’re rushed in all directions into a sprint towards the December 25th finish line.

In our culture’s excitement for the joy and fun of the Christmas season, we often rush ahead so fast that we can accidentally miss out on living the Advent season. 

We risk forgetting to live in the present moment.

(I write this because I have been guilty of it!)

And during this part of the year, that should mean putting an emphasis on building UP to Christmas instead of merely counting down to it.  We’re meant to spend time preparing, like Mary was preparing with expectant joy for the birth of her son. We’re meant to wait with hopeful patience like Israel for its messiah. We aren’t meant to get to Christmas and feel burnt out. We’re meant to feel the triumphant entry of the incarnation.

When I read Kendra Tierney’s book Catholic All Year it articulated what I had been looking for all of my adult life, and it turned my whole understanding of December upside down. I am now convicted to celebrate this season in a way that is more closely aligned to what is happening within the universal Church. In her book she quoted the following passage from General Instruction of the Roman Missal (“GIRM”) which is the book written for priests that explains HOW the mass should be celebrated, in a lot of detail. 

The GIRM says: “During Advent [the decoration] should be marked by a moderation suited to the character of this season, without expressing prematurely the full joy of the Nativity of the Lord.”

This is a moment for moderation. 

Without expressing prematurely the full joy. 

Uff da. 

While we are not technically bound by these same guidelines in our homes, I do believe that if we are going to live out our call be a “Domestic Church” that we should seek to reflect what is going on in the Church within our homes (at least to some degree).

What we do as Catholic couples in our homes shapes our family culture. Our family culture influences those around us. Therefore, having a clear mindset about what we are doing and why we are doing it helps evangelize to the world. 

So yes, we can start to decorate, but maybeeeee let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 

Instead it might look like: 

• Bringing out the Advent wreath and lighting it each week during dinner
• Tablescapes that incorporate purple tablecloths and napkins instead of red and green ones
• Playing Advent music instead of a Christmas playlist
• Setting up the Christmas tree with its lights, but waiting to fully decorate it with ornaments and the topper until the 4th week of Advent or even waiting until Christmas Eve
• Slowing down your evening plans and making more time to pray together
• Using candles more often than lamps to make the environment just a little darker to remember the season of darkness that the jewish people felt waiting for their Messiah
• Setting up the Nativity scene with an empty manger
• Following an Advent Calendar or a Jesse Tree (a great way to journey through scripture from Genesis to the birth of Jesus to show how all of it is connected in salvation history)
• Planning a time to go to confession before the Christmas liturgy

I have to recommit myself to slowing down this way each year too in order to remain present in what Advent is all about. 

Take time to prepare Him room

There was no room for Mary and Joseph when they arrived in Bethlehem. The Church in her wisdom gives us advent in order to pause and reflect on how well we have prepared room in our hearts for His presence and for when we meet Him at the gates of heaven. Jesus warns that “not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven” (Matthew 7:21). 

Advent offers us time to reflect: 

• Does Christ know me as true disciple and friend?
• Am I living life according to God’s will or my own?
• Do I give God my firstfruits of each day or the leftovers?
• How can I make space to hear His voice more clearly in my life?

While Ben and I certainly don’t have all the answers, these three practices within our home have transformed our hearts in ways that bring us closer in your relationship with Christ that we hope encourage you in yours.

Embrace Silence.

The Church calls for moments of silence throughout the liturgy because it helps us absorb the Word of God more deeply into our hearts. We’ve noticed our need for silence within our family life too. If we have spent too long scrolling TikTok or binge watching Netflix, we start to realize how many other voices we’ve let influence us throughout the day. Carving out moments of quiet really does remove those distractions. Intentional silence at home gives us the space we need to hear God instead (and to better discern what He is saying to us). It isn’t always practical for us to have no noise all the time especially for us with a kid in the house, so we do put on Spotify playlists for background music on during chores. TBH it is usually gregorian chant or lofi christian music because we once heard a priest say music that seeks to glorify God can annoy the devil and his demons enough to stay away. And hey, we will take ALL the help we can get to minimize the spiritual attacks on our marriage!

Cultivate more time for prayer.

It’s no surprise that you will hear His voice more clearly when you spend time with Him and his Word. We love that our parish puts on weekly holy hours during advent to facilitate that extra time with God. You might find that going to one extra daily mass or making a stop in adoration on your way home from work fills your cup by giving God that time within your day. This season can also be a good motivation to get back into scripture directly by reading a chapter of the bible each night together. The Word on Fire bibles are a personal favorite because there are excerpts from saints, church fathers, and other catholic thought leaders to explain and interpret what we just read. Preparing room for Him can also look like planning out the next time you’ll go to confession (don’t wait until the last minute because those confession lines can get long before major feast days!). And lastly, for us a family rosary by candlelight is quickly becoming our favorite way to end the day during these dark, winter months; bringing our specific intentions to Jesus through Mary.

Serve & Tithe.

Marriage is a sacrament of service. Take time to reflect on how you are being called in this moment to serve each other and those around you. For that is the measure we will be judged against. Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is and He tell us point blank that it is to to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. In our catholic understanding we know that love is an action, not a feeling.

Where is He encouraging you to give of your time, give of your money, and give of yourself?

Because buying gifts is at the forefront of this season, I want to encourage you to use this quote from Pope Leo XIII as an examination of conscience for how we spend our money and give of our resources during the advent season: “Once the demands of necessity and propriety have been met, the rest that one owns belongs to the poor.”

I am personally struck by how he says the rest that one owns.

Not just a little, but a total gift of ourselves to our neighbors. So ask yourself this season if we are getting sucked into the marketing ads and consumer noise to buy, buy, buy, and discern instead if that money would be better spent helping a neighbor meet their needs and be Christ to them (Matthew 25:34-46). 

Are we focusing more on what we want for ourselves or are we using this time as a chance to focus on the needs of others? The needs of our spouse, our family, our friends? How is the Lord inviting you to be better at loving, serving, and praying for them?

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While this is not an exhaustive list, I hope it is a fruitful start to shape your view of advent in the ways ours have been shaped through the years.

We’d love to know how you celebrate Advent (add a comment and tell us!!) and make this a true conversation so that we can cheer each other on towards heaven.