If you are getting married in the Catholic Church, I would HIGHLY recommend reading through the Catechism section on the Sacrament of Matrimony! You’ll be exposed to a lot of this tangentially but there is nothing quite like going directly to the source to better understand what the Church actually teaches about the sacrament of marriage!

In addition to all the beautiful explanations the Catechism compiles, in section 1642 they throw in an extra quote that was written by Tertullian, an early Christian writer born around 155 AD, that comes from a letter he wrote to his wife. The quote is short and condensed, but intrigued me enough to go look it up online to see if there was more written in this letter. Oh yeah there is and I was blown away but what he had to say! It outlines a beautiful vision and simple framework for living out a Catholic marriage. My Psychology of Marriage professor in college used to use the phrase, “marriage is about becoming less me and more we” so when I read what Tertullian had to say about marriage (nearly 2,000 years ago) its clear to me that this is what the early Christians understood in light of Christ, who came to the world to re-anchor us back to God’s plan for the world and that he designed man and woman to not merely be two individual people living together, but rather they are to become one flesh. One in all things.

So, my advice to you would be to give this a quick read and then go back and ponder in your own heart how can you be intentional about living this out within your marriage?

“How shall we ever be able adequately to describe the happiness of that marriage which the Church arranges, the Sacrifice strengthens, upon which the blessing sets a seal, at which angels are present as witnesses, and to which the Father gives His consent? […] How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice. […]

They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s church and partake of God’s Banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts. Unembarrassed they visit the sick and assist the needy. They give alms without anxiety; they attend the Sacrifice without difficulty; they perform their daily exercises of piety without hindrance. They need not be furtive about making the Sign of the Cross, nor timorous in greeting the brethren, nor silent in asking a blessing of God. Psalms and hymns they sing to one another, striving to see which one of them will chant more beautifully the praises of their Lord.

Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present; and where He is, there evil is not.”

What stood out to you?

Because for me, I really gravitated to his use of saying the spouses are side by side in all of this, they’re a team and care about the good of each other. Present in the good times and the trials. They’re always encouraging, strengthening, and instructing each other (proactively!) to be more virtuous and holy. They have no secrets and never shun each other’s company, never bringing sorrow to each other’s hearts. If you’ve been in a relationship you know how easy this temptation comes in an argument to use sarcasm or craft a zinging idea together that wounds the other out our own misguided pride to win rather than love. They’re open to each other. They go church and spend time in prayer, prioritizing receiving the sacraments which are central to their everyday lives and is the source of what strengthens them as a couple. They are generous to their relatives, friends, and strangers as they give of their time (visiting and assisting the sick and needy) and steward their financial resources in order to “give alms without anxiety” which will help the good of all not just the good of their family. They are happy! They sing and uplift the hearts of each other in this way! They are bold and not silent when it comes to asking a blessing of God, inviting Him in. It truly requires a commitment on our part to form our will in order to do this and call upon the graces from the sacrament to help us get there.

I know I will be reflecting more on this and encourage you to do the same!

Spend time talking with your fiance/spouse about how you can live this out!
How can you become “more one” in your way of life together?